Parenting Week 7

 When I choose to act contrary to my own sense of what is appropriate, I commit what we at Camp Moriah call an act of self-betrayal. It is a betrayal of my own sense of the right way to act in a given moment in time—not someone else's sense or standard, but what I myself feel is right in the moment."

Regardless of religious affiliation (or lack thereof), every person on this earth has a sense of what is right. 

"Although nothing I can do in the present can take away the mistreatment of the past, the way I carry myself in the present determines how I carry forward the memories of those mistreatments. When I see others as objects, I dwell on the injustices I have suffered in order to justify myself, keeping my mistreatments and suffering alive within me. When I see others as people, on the other hand, then I free myself from the need for justification. I therefore free myself from the need to focus unduly on the worst that has been done to me. I am free to leave the worst behind me, and to see not only the bad but the mixed and good in others as well.

"But none of that is possible if my heart is at war. A heart at war needs enemies to justify its warring. It needs enemies and mistreatment more that it wants peace."

"...a need that causes me to see [my children] accusingly, a need that cures me to care about something other than truth and solutions, a need that invites [my children] to do the same in response...

"...so notice, when I betray myself, [my children's] faults become immediately inflated in my heart and mind. I begin to 'horribilize' [them]. That is, I begin to make them out to be worse than they really are. And I do this because the worse they are, the more justified I feel. [A whining child who refuses to eat the dinner I have prepared suddenly represents a threat to my very peace and confidence as a parent. A child to help and love becomes an object to blame for my anger and frustration. So I feel justified in responding rather condescendingly to such a refusal.]"

"Studies show that [those with a fixed mindset] are terrible at estimating their abilities. But, if you believe you can develop yourself, then you're open to accurate information about your current abilities, even if it's unflattering. What's more, if you're oriented toward learning, you need accurate information about your current abilities in order to learn effectively."

Professor Carol Dweck

GOALS:

• Read D&C 84
• buy Anatomy of Peace

REMEMBER:

•  justifications or excuses can come into our hearts and minds so quickly and subtly that they can be almost imperceptible. 
• I related to the guy that came to help on the Stuck on an Escalator clip. It goes to show that it is impossible to help someone else when you are slowed down by your own hypocrisies. With that said, I do not believe that are progression as human beings just stops when we are justifying, blaming, overbearing, and simply mistreating others. It does slow us down and hurt our relationships with loved ones and friends but we do not stay stopped. We may in fact go backwards but even those with a fixed mindset have a growth mindset in some area of their life.