Parenting Week 3

 GOALS

1. start to temper your temperament by employing the override principle mentioned in the talk
2. be self-aware enough to know when your natural response is actually harmful rather than helpful to a child's temperament
3. finish reading "Temperament: What Makes Your Child Unique" on temperament from the book Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Dr. Jane Nelsen.
4. Take this shortened version of "The Big Five Project - Personality Test
5. Use a character based filter instead of a natural man based filter.

1. Consider the following questions as you study the chapter:

1. Which of the dimensions of temperament do you think have the biggest impact on a child's day-to-day behavior?
2. How do you think a parent can achieve a goodness-of-fit with each child without impeding growth experiences?
3. How often do you think parents and teachers mistake temperament for misbehavior, and what can be done about that?

"Comparisons usually lead to judgments...is there such a creature as the 'perfect child'? Would we really want one? A 'perfect child' is often pictured as the one who quietly obeys his parents, doesn't fight with his brothers or sisters, does his chores without complaining, saves his money, does homework without being reminded and who gets good grades, is athletic, and is very popular. Does this mean that a child who doesn't fit this description is 'imperfect'?"

Elder Ucthdorf:

Pride is sinful, as President Benson so memorably taught, because it breeds hatred or hostility and places us in opposition to God and our fellowmen. At its core, pride is a sin of comparison, for though it usually begins with 'Look how wonderful I am and what great things I have done,' it always seems to end with 'Therefore, I am better than you.'

"When our hearts are filled with pride, we commit a grave sin, for we violate the two great commandments. Instead of worshipping God and loving our [children], we reveal the real object of our worship and love—the image we see in the mirror."

 The natural man and Satan LOVE that we rely on external indicators and make comparisons. Just think of grades, body image, bank accounts, cars, homes, well-behaved children, diplomas, leadership positions, and on and on. 

What manner of Men Ought Ye to be:

A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?"

There is another part of us, not so tangible, but quite as real as our physical body. This intangible part of us is described as mind, emotion, intellect, temperament, and many other things. Very seldom is it described as spiritual.

But there is a spirit in man; to ignore it is to ignore reality. There are spiritual disorders, too, and spiritual diseases that can cause intense suffering.

The body and the spirit of man are bound together. Often, very often, when there are disorders, it is very difficult to tell which is which.”

Boyd K. Packer, "The Balm of Gilead (Links to an external site.)," New Era, August 1979

1. List all 9 dimensions of temperament with the extremes of that dimension at the end of each continuum.
2. Rate yourself as an adult on each line by using an "A."
3. Contact your mom or someone who knew you really well as a baby, explain each dimension, and have them rate you. Place their rating on the same line using a "B."
4. Study your 9 dimensions and note which ones have changed and others that have not changed much. Why do you think this is?

>Activity Level

>Rythmicity

>Initial Response

>Adaptibility

>Sensory Threshold

>Quality of Mood

>Intensity of Reactions

>Distractability

>Persistence and attention span

According to the researchers at the Personality Project, personality is “the coherent pattern of affect, cognition, and desires (goals) as they lead to behavior” (Revelle, 2013).

Meanwhile, the American Psychological Association (APA) defines personality as “individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving” (2017).

The five factors Goldberg identified as primary factors of personality are (OCEAN):

1. Extroversion
2. Agreeableness
3. Conscientiousness
4. Neuroticism
5. Openness to experience

Dr. Jane Nelson:

"Each child—and every temperament—possesses both assets and liabilities, strengths and weakness. None are 'good' or 'bad,' and as we’ve already seen, comparison and judgments can lead to discouragement, distance, and disappointment. 

If your child is extraverted and prone to self-centeredness, he or she will be greatly tempted to draw others to themselves rather than to Christ—which is a form of priestcraft (see Elder David A. Bednar, Seek Learning by Faith (Links to an external site.)).  Yet, if this same extraverted child is humble and selfless, he or she can be a tremendous asset in lifting and serving others. Because of this, Latter-day Saint parents would do well to focus on molding character, more than personality.

Much of our temperament and personality were developed in premortality. In our first estate, we had our moral agency, exercised faith, sinned, and applied the atonement (see Alma 13 (Links to an external site.)). Surely our schooling in the pre-earth life developed certain capacities and characteristics.

Why does gender matter? (chpt. 1-2)

.

Male and female brains are organized differently. Men's brains are more compartmentalized while functions are more globally distributed in female brains.

>Music therapy works better for female babies then for male babies. Girls also hear better than boys. Correlation?

>male babies are more interested in mobiles than in faces. female babies are more interested in faces than mobiles. These results suggest that from a social aspect, males are more interested in things that move rather than faces.

*Male retina is thicker than female's due to larger cells. Females have smaller P cells that are prewired to be sensitive to colors orange, green, beige, and red. Boys prefer black, gray, silver, and blue because these colors simulate motion.

*Females prefer to find the answer to what is it? and males prefer to find where is it?

*Males often draw pictures in third-person perspective and females draw people, trees, pets, etc. from first person perspective.

*Women are more likely to use landmarks that can be seen or heard or smelled to navigate. Men are more likely to use absolute directions. These gender differences are found to develop as soon as age 5.

*girls are typically able to identify their gender first but boys are more likely to choose trucks over dolls then girls.

GENDER MYTHS:

> boys are naturally better at math and science

>girls are naturally more emotional

> girls are naturally more collaborative, and boys are more competitive

Remember Elder Uchtdorf's statement from his talk, "What is Truth? (Links to an external site.)":

"The 'truths' we cling to shape the quality of our societies as well as our individual characters. All too often these 'truths' are based on incomplete and inaccurate evidence, and at times they serve very selfish motives.
"Part of the reason for poor judgment comes from the tendency of mankind to blur the line between belief and truth. We too often confuse belief with truth, thinking that because something makes sense or is convenient, it must be true. Conversely, we sometimes don’t believe truth or reject it—because it would require us to change or admit that we were wrong. Often, truth is rejected because it doesn’t appear to be consistent with previous experiences."