Parenting Week 2

 Parenting Notes and Observations:

• Optional read: What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be? (2011)
• Mental Shortcuts that cloud your judgment:

1. The IKEA effect: You think furniture from IKEA is better than professionals because you put it together.
2. The Planning Fallacy- thinking you have more time than you actually do
3. Post Purchase Rationalization- convincing yourself you did the right thing
4. Availability Cascade- everyone else is doing it, so it must be true.

"Part of the reason for poor judgment comes from the tendency of mankind to blur the line between belief and truth. We too often confuse belief with truth, thinking that because something makes sense or is convenient, it must be true. Conversely, we sometimes don’t believe truth or reject it—because it would require us to change or admit that we were wrong. Often, truth is rejected because it doesn’t appear to be consistent with previous experiences. When the opinions or “truths” of others contradict our own, instead of considering the possibility that there could be information that might be helpful and augment or complement what we know, we often jump to conclusions or make assumptions that the other person is misinformed, mentally challenged, or even intentionally trying to deceive."

—Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

*I need to give people the opportunity to augment and complement what I already know, even if I know (or assume) that they are wrong.

 

• Do you have biases, perceptions, and beliefs that are partially or completely false, but you think they are true? 
• Are these false biases, perceptions, and beliefs easy to detect? Why or why not?
• I have waited to reply to this question because I wanted to observe myself first. I have had a hard time detecting what specifically my biases and perceptions are. I know what I believe and my family does not like that I am brutally honest about things. I have realized this week that I need to give people the opportunity to augment and complement what I already know, even if I know (or assume) that they are wrong. I am often in awe of Christ's dealings with man. He knew the way and the truth when literally nobody else on earth was at the same level of awareness or even intelligence and he never treated people as inferior. I always try to remind myself of this so that I can strive not to be biased or neglectful but I think my biggest flaw in my life so far is to ignore other people's beliefs. I have always found other religions fascinating but I have never thought that someone else's beliefs could augment or complement what I know. It has become clear to me that I actually know without a doubt very little. As far as I am aware, the church only teaches that there are four absolute truths. If that is the case then there is an awful lot that we believe.
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• How can you use the teachings from "What is Truth?" as you learn the truth about parenting?
• I did not realize part of poor judgement is blurring the line between belief and truth. To me, this statement by Uchtdorf tells me that I have been too hard on people that share different beliefs. If I can fix my biases and perceptions then I will be a better parent. Furthermore, I will be a better parent if I can discern truth from falsehood and right from wrong.

Truth is truth! It is not divisible, and any part of it cannot be set aside.
Whether truth emerges from a scientific laboratory or through revelation, all truth emanates from God. All truth is part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet I was being asked to hide my faith. I did not comply with my colleague’s request. I let my faith show!"

—President Russell M. Nelson

*Justifications and rationalizations= the natural man. God helps us to see ourselves as we really are but we need to remember to ask. (David A. Bednar)

Chapter Four: Doctrines, Principles, and Applications: A Framework for Gospel Learning

• Learning= happiness
• Doctrine= truth
• Doctrines do not change. Some doctrines are: the Godhead, the plan of happiness, and the atonement. Core doctrines are few in number.
• Doctrines answer the question why
• The first 3 articles of faith are fundamental doctrine.
• To understand doctrine= confirmed in the heart by the holy ghost. Knowing doctrine does not change attitudes and behavior but understanding it does. 
• Gospel doctrines create a spiritual foundation that give us power and strength
• the eternal importance of gender and of eternal marriage can be properly understood only within the context of our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness.
• A knowledge and testimony of the plan of salvation... strengthen their commitment to honor the covenant of eternal marriage, and overcome fear and uncertainty that cause some to avoid or postpone marriage.
• God gave men commandments after explaining the plan of redemption. Therefore people who do not understand the plan of salvation cannot be held to the standard of those that know and/or understand it.

• Principles= doctrinally based guideline
• Principles also do not change
• they answer our "what?" questions
• A principle is not a behavior or a specific action. (article of faith 4...faith and repentance guide us to the atonement) 
• Elder Oaks: we should never want to do anything in appearance or behavior that would distract any member of the Church from his or her worship and renewal of covenants.
• The Prophet Joseph Smith emphasized the guiding power of principles when he was asked how he was able to lead and govern the Latter-day Saints so effectively. He answered, “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves” (quoted by John Taylor, Millennial Star, 15 November 1851, 339)

• Applications= the actual behaviors, action steps, practices, or procedures 
• applications appropriately can vary according to needs and circumstances. 
• Applications answer the question of “how.”
• Elder Oaks principle can be applied appropriately as Aaronic Priesthood holders avoid extremes in clothing, haircuts, speech, and behavior.

*Please do not view and use the framework as a rigid set of definitions or as a formula that leads to “correct” answers.  the purpose of the framework (doctrine, gospel, and application) is for you to explore, to experiment, and to exercise faith in the Lord as you learn for yourself.    

    Ex: If one uses the principle of “treasure up in your minds continually the words of life” (Doctrine         and Covenants 84:85) as a starting point, then using the method of researching specific topics in             daily scripture study may be viewed as an application

 *Doctrines, principles, and applications are not discrete, separate, and unrelated truths

*the framework helps a learner ask (why?), seek (what?), and knock (how)

*The right questions are more important than the right answers. If the questions are right, then we are much more likely to obtain inspired and insightful answers as we work, ponder, search, and pray

*Consistently completing the various tasks (scripture study, prayer, temple attendance, etc,) without experiencing the mighty change of heart and becoming more devoted disciples will not produce the spiritual strength we need to withstand the evils and opposition of the latter days.

*learn first, then our eyes will be opened to see what could have possibly been right in front of us and to hear what we need to hear.

*organizations and functions are considered separately rather than in relation to each other....Programs and meetings are not events to be managed; rather, they are opportunities to minister to individuals and families

*Somehow we seem to be drawn to applications as the primary way to “fix” things, to make life better, to be “doers of the word,” to achieve desired outcomes, and to help the Church operate effectively. And far too often we emphasize applications without the necessary understanding and divorced from the doctrinal context. We may focus on applications because we like to believe and feel like we are in control, because we have confidence in our own experience and expertise, etc.

*My experience suggests that many men can describe how to home teach; far fewer can explain why we home teach. Men in the Church who do not perform their priesthood duty as home teachers are not lazy; they simply have not understood the relevant doctrine and principles. Such men undoubtedly have been both taught and told. They may know that a home teacher is to watch over, be with, and strengthen (see Doctrine and Covenants 20:53)—but they have not learned, they do not understand, and they are not intelligent (as the word intelligence is used in the scriptures)

*So basically if you apply the gospel to your life without understanding why you are doing what you are doing and/ or asking others to do then you will not have spiritual power or enduring impact and visa versa.

*The answers always are in the doctrines and principles! And the doctrines and principles need to be in us

Discipline comes from the same root word as disciple and implies patience and teaching on our part. It should not be done in anger. We can and should discipline the way that Doctrine & Covenants 121 teaches us: 'by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge' (verses 41–42

    >Lynn G. Robins

God cares more about what we and our children are becoming, not just doing. 

 A focus on applications or behaviors will lead to comparisons, competition, corrections, etc.

• Why do you think that so many Saints don't understand and use this doctrinal framework?
• Does it seem that many parents want the quick and easy answers (in other words, the "how to" specific applications in correcting behavior)? Why or why not?
• Are you focused more on doctrines, principles, or applications? Or are you balanced in your life? How can you tell?

1. What can and should I do in my learning and serving to achieve a better balance among doctrines, principles, and applications? 
2.  What can and should I do in my learning and studying to “gather together in one all things in Christ”? 
3. What doctrines and principles, if understood, would help me press forward in becoming what the Master would have me become? 
4. What will be the final effect of my thoughts and acts?
5. Do you think it is important that non-LDS parents focus on their children becoming (a.k.a. developing attributes and character) rather than just doing? Or is this just helpful for "eternal families?" Why or why not?
6. How are doctrines and principles connected to becoming? And how are applications connected to doing?
• What do you think requires more effort: to do or to be? Explain your answer or give an example.
• In what ways do college students get caught up in doing (applications) rather than becoming? (e.g., school, calling, church, service, career, etc.)