Fresh Year, Fresh Semester

 Family Relations

WEEK 1: 

This week had a lot of good insights and thought provoking questions. I am going to try to memorize the myths about marriage, not only so I can better promote marriage but so I can I apply what I learned to my own marriage. I did not expect the intimacy between my husband and myself to dip like it did after I had our first baby and I feel better about our marriage now that I know that decreased satisfaction in the marriage itself is common after having a baby. My goal in this area is to set aside more one on one time with my husband.

Additionally, I enjoyed learning about the theories at the end of the chapter. I can't wait to ponder questions like: “What was the family system in which my partner grew up and how can my knowledge of that help me in our relationship?” (systems theory); “Is our relationship less satisfying because one of us feels that it costs more than it’s worth?” (exchange theory); “Is money an issue with us because we define its use and importance differently rather than because one of us is right and the other is wrong?” (symbolic interactionism); and “Are we arguing so long and hard because we are engaged in a power struggle rather than in a conflict over a single issue?” (conflict theory).

Other goals I have include fully comprehending and explaining the following:

• Explain what is meant by the statement, “we are social creatures.”

  2 Discuss the need for, and meaning of, intimacy.

  3 Recognize and evaluate myths about family life.

  4 Describe the changing patterns of intimate relationships in contemporary society.

  5 Identify what Americans want in family life in light of the conflicting evidence.

  6 Discuss the factors that explain long-term, satisfying marriages.

  7 Briefly outline some of the theories used to research and understand family life.

Last of all, I liked how the textbook offered us a sort of homework assignment.

What is one of the most interesting stories that you know about our family? What did your parents tell you about their parents or other members of the family?

Summarize your experience by answering the following questions: What have you learned about your family that you didn’t know before? How does that make you feel? What difference does it make in the way you think about yourself?

I asked my Grandma on my Father's side the second question and she said: "When my grandfather went on his mission he got sick and died. It left her grandmother to run the farm and her newborn baby died. She had a 10 year old and 8 year old boy to help her during that time but she sold a lot of butter to make ends meet."

I did not know that story and I felt like a spoiled brat because I don't think I'll have to endure a hardship like that in my lifetime. I also felt sad and annoyed that my Great-great grandfather abandoned my Great-great grandmother even if it was for a righteous cause. At least these days it's a lot easier to find ways to make money as a widow. This story as a whole does not change the way I think about myself. The story has nothing to do with me.

In conclusion, the biggest pitfall to learning about my extended family has been that I feel bad about myself...like I don't do enough, or go through as much as they did.

SUMMARY

"Humans are social creatures and have, therefore, a basic need for close, personal relationships. The experiences of loneliness, both social and emotional loneliness, and of gaining well-being through intimate relationships illustrate our social nature and our need for intimacy.

We learn about family life through our own experiences and through the mass media. But some of what we know is mythical. Some of the common myths today include, (1) we’ve lost the extended family, (2) opposites attract, (3) people marry because they love each other, (4) having children increases marital satisfaction, (5) a good sex life is the best predictor of marital satisfaction, (6) happily married people don’t have conflict, and (7) half of all marriages end in divorce. Such myths are dangerous because they can ruin good relationships.

Patterns of intimate relationships change over time. In recent years, there has been an increase in premarital sex, out-of-wedlock births, the number of people living alone, the number of people cohabiting, age at first marriage, and the proportion of mothers who work. The divorce rate has declined but is still much higher than it was through most of the twentieth century. Birth rates and average household size have both declined.

Social scientists debate what Americans need in the way of marriage and family life. Some argue that alternative forms of the family are as valid and as fulfilling as the heterosexual, married-couple family, while others insist that the heterosexual, married-couple family is crucial to both individual and social well-being.

For various reasons, only a minority of Americans now live in a family that has an employed father, a stay-at-home mother, and children. Some experts believe this is a trend that will continue, lessening the importance of marriage, while others assert the trend will reverse. Americans are seeking to work out what they want in the context of the contrary values of familism and individualism. But the strengths and benefits of marriage and family are so clear that most Americans continue to value them and to indicate satisfaction with their own marriage and family life. Those who desire a stable and satisfying marriage and family are still able to achieve them."

It is important to remember that: 

• "...theories alert you to look for certain things in intimate relationships and to understand them in particular ways. For example, understanding of a theory may prompt you to ask,“What was the family system in which my partner grew up and how can my knowledge of that help me in our relationship?” (systems theory); “Is our relationship less satisfying because one of us feels that it costs more than it’s worth?” (exchange theory); “Is money an issue with us because we define its use and importance differently rather than because one of us is right and the other is wrong?” (symbolic interactionism); and “Are we arguing so long and hard because we are engaged in a power struggle rather than in a conflict over a single issue?” (conflict theory)."